


you give my emptiness a name

by CarbonFootprint



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Pining, Post Season 7 Spoilers, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-06-28 23:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarbonFootprint/pseuds/CarbonFootprint
Summary: Shiro was running before he could help it, nearly tripping over himself as he raced down the hall to Keith’s room.“Keith!” He panted the other boy’s name as he stumbled into the doorway, a smile coming to his face immediately to see Keith sitting back in bed against the pillows, but the moment Keith’s eyes fell on him, his tired gaze lost and confused, he began to realize something was horribly wrong.“Who...” Keith started, his voice hoarse from disuse, and his throat gave a slow bob before he spoke again, “Who are you?”In the aftermath of Voltron's near-sacrifice, Keith's injuries from the battle leave him without most of his memories, and Shiro tries to piece together whatever he has left in an effort to save the one he loves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!!!
> 
> Well, this was meant to be a one-shot OTL but as usual.... I got way too emotional about Sheith so this will probably be like, three chapters. Chapter 2 is already around halfway done so I'll hopefully have it up really soon!
> 
> ANYWAY! This entire fic was inspired by [this art](https://twitter.com/zuspacey/status/1028301000342351872) from the amazing [@zuspacey on twitter](https://twitter.com/zuspacey), which was inspired by [this thread](https://twitter.com/capt_shiro/status/1028215836878589953) by the lovely [@capt_shiro on twitter](https://twitter.com/capt_shiro)! 
> 
> A HUGE thank you to the wonderful [@makotomiracle](https://twitter.com/makotomiracle) for beta-ing this first chapter ;w; Thank you so so so much!!! <3
> 
> OKAY finally... Please enjoy this first chapter!!!

The aftermath of the explosion from the mechanical beast that had come to Earth was instantaneous. The lions and parts of the robot both fell to earth, scorching in flame through the atmosphere and crashing finally to the ground in clouds of smoke and dust. The Garrison had immediately gone to work, rushing for the sites where the lions fell to try and recover the Paladins.

“Green Lion group, report,” Shiro called into his radio, his eyes on the massive form of the Black Lion in the distance, the setting sun sinking lower behind it. The green lion had been closest to the Garrison enclave, and five separate groups had split up to salvage from the wreckage, ideally hoping to get the best results they could before sundown, but that could be tricky with the blue lion landing in the ocean.

“The lion is intact, Captain,” the group leader responded, “Katie Holt’s vital signs are present and they seem to be holding steady. We’re bringing her in now.”

“Good job,” Shiro breathed out a long sigh, relief blooming in his chest at Pidge’s survival, “All other groups keep me updated on the status of the other Paladins.”

He had chosen to go to the Black Lion with his own team. Maybe it was sentiment for his former role, maybe it was a need to see Keith safe, he didn’t know, but as the Black Lion and the surrounding wreckage came closer, he felt a nervous lump forming in his throat.

He needed Keith to be okay.

They approached the lion and left their vehicles, heading towards the body of the metallic beast. Her eyes were dark, a telltale sign that she was out of commission, but the she was still intact, if only a little more scuffed up than normal. He walked up to her mouth, wedging himself into the gap so he could maneuver his way towards the cockpit.

The seat was empty.

The entire cockpit was _empty_.

“Keith?” He whispered, flicking on his flashlight and casting it around the small space, “Keith!” He turned quickly, looking through the entire cockpit before he moved to the cargo hold. The lion was empty, devoid of her paladin, and panic was starting to settle into Shiro’s chest.

Was Keith _dead_?

Had the same thing that happened to his own body befallen Keith? And if that was the case, then did the black lion save Keith’s consciousness as she had saved Shiro’s?

He rushed back to the cockpit, slamming his palms down against the control panel, desperately trying to draw out a response from the lion, “Please tell me he’s alive... _Please_...”

His please remained unanswered for what felt like an eternity before the control panel glowed briefly, a series of lights flashing in what Shiro knew was the affirmative.

Keith was _alive_.

He must have been ejected from the lion right before it crashed to Earth. The surrounding area was covered in rocks and debris, but he had to be out there somewhere.

“Thank you,” Shiro whispered before he turned quickly, rushing back outside to the rest of his team, “Keith’s not in there... He must have been ejected from the lion when it crash landed. Spread out and look for him.”

He waited for his team to fan out in search of Keith before he allowed himself a moment to let his own fears sink in.

Keith was missing.

Keith was _gone_.

He ran off in a direction not covered by his team, scanning the area with his suit sensors for signs of life. Rubble was everywhere; huge slabs of rock had been dug up from the lion’s haphazard landing, making the ground unstable and uneven. Still, Shiro kept moving, searching through the wreckage for Keith. His entire body was running on desperate, terrified adrenaline. If he didn’t find Keith, he didn’t know what he would do. He couldn’t even imagine life without his former red paladin at his side.

“Keith! Keith, can you hear me? _Keith_!” No answer came from the desert and debris, and the only movement came when a slow wind tossed up small plumes of dust, as if the Earth was trying to reclaim Keith before Shiro had even found him.

As radio calls came in telling him that Lance, Hunk, and Allura had all been found safe, his heart continued to sink. The desert often dropped to temperatures too frigid for Keith to safely withstand in just his paladin armor overnight, and he needed to find Keith and help him as soon as he could.

The search continued until the sun started to rise, lighting the desert with pale pink and orange hues. In the glare of the sun, he saw it, a quick reflection off something white and shiny and familiar.

Keith’s helmet.

He bolted towards it, easily prying away chunks of rock to expose the helmet.

 _Just_ the helmet.

It was dented and cracked in areas, the glass front of it shattered completely, clearly from the force of Keith’s fall, but if he had hit the ground with his helmet still on, then Shiro knew he had to be close.

“Keith!” He tried called for him again, yelling his name as loud as he could, “ _Keith_! Can you hear me? Are you there?”

It was beginning to feel like he’d never find him, like Keith would be lost to the desolate landscape, and that thought made his heart ache and _ache_ in a way he’d never felt. He’d never considered that he might lose Keith to the war. Keith was so strong and brave, and the only time he had really needed Shiro’s help was in his Marmora trials. Of course, Shiro had only stepped in at the end when the Red Lion threatened to bring the entire base down. Keith hadn’t truly needed him. Keith was always fine in the end.

Except for now.

Keith was the one always saving him, always coming to his aid, constantly sticking by him and believing in him with unwavering dedication.

But Keith was still vulnerable. Keith could die like any other person. Like the lost Blades, Admiral Sanda, like Adam…

He felt tears burning in his eyes as he lifted slabs of rubble with his new arm as if they were cardboard, desperately searching for anything that could lead him to Keith.

That was when he saw it; a shard of white that made up the chest plate of paladin armor.

And then he found Keith.

The Black Paladin was nearly sandwiched between the rubble, and Shiro was quick to pull him out and into his arms. Keith was limp, completely unconscious, but he was _alive_. His breath came faintly against the back of Shiro’s hand, and he could feel the thready jump of his pulse against his fingers. He was alive, but he wasn’t in good shape.

The paladin armor was dirty and cracked, pieces of it missing from the impact, and the tight, grey suit underneath was shredded in some areas, exposing bruised and bloodied skin where rocks had cut into him. His hair was matted to his head with blood on one side, and the blood was still tacky and wet where it ran down his cheek and neck. His lips were stained red from blood too, and while red had always been a good look on Keith, the sight of it now terrified Shiro to his core.

And Keith was cold.

He was so _cold_.

“Keith,” he said desperately, reaching to cup the paladin’s pale cheek, “Come on, Keith... don’t- _don’t do this to me_ ,” he rasped, feeling the threat of tears building in his throat, “You have to be okay... you can’t leave me now. Not when everything is finally _okay_.”

Keith didn’t answer – didn’t even move – remaining still and cold in Shiro’s arms, and he knew the only thing he could do now was get him back for medical attention.

“I found him,” he whispered before he cleared his throat and spoke louder into his comms, “I found him!” He repeated himself, standing with Keith in his arms as he started back for their vehicle, “He needs medical attention. Let’s head back!”

* * *

 

They got Keith back in record time, and he was quickly taken away by the medical staff, leaving Shiro’s arms empty and his heart aching. He was briefed on the other paladins in the meantime. None of them had regained consciousness, but they were all stable, and their injuries were not too severe.

Something told him that the same wouldn’t be true for Keith.

He waited for hours in silence with Krolia and Kolivan. Kolivan was always quite taciturn to begin with, but there were really no words that would even be appropriate to break the tense air. Eventually, some of medical staff came for them, leading them to where Keith had been set up in a room.

“He was moderately hypothermic when you found him,” one of the doctors explained before they went into the room, “And he has a severe concussion. His scans show that there was some internal bleeding as well… A lacerated liver and spleen, which we took care of in surgery, but the bruising to his abdomen must be monitored in case any new bleeds arise. He’ll need the stitches in his head and abdomen removed once he heals up more. All in all, he will need a lot of rest and recovery, likely far more than the other paladins.”

“When will he awaken?” Krolia asked softly, her tone wavering a bit, which Shiro knew for a fact he had never heard before.

“It may take a little while,” the doctor said gently, “The other doctors agreed with me it was best to induce a coma to let his body focus only on healing, and with his head injury it’s best to take strain off his brain. He’s on some fairly strong pain medications so he’s not in any pain at all. If things go well, we’ll hopefully take him out of the coma in a week or so. You may go in and sit with him as long as you desire though.”

“Th-thank you,” Krolia nodded, moving towards the door as soon as the doctor stepped away. Shiro followed after Kolivan, craning to see over the large Galra’s shoulders, but as soon as he moved aside and he saw Keith, he felt his heart drop.

Keith looked so _small_ and _pale_ in the bed. He was dressed in a clean, plain shirt and covered with blankets, but Shiro knew underneath he was likely layered in bandages. There was a bandage wrapped around his head covering where the doctor said they had put stitches. He remembered how much blood had been in Keith’s hair when he found him, how there was blood on his cheek as well, and even though it was all wiped away and clean Shiro felt as if he could still see it there and feel it against his own fingers.

There was a tube leading from his mouth to a machine at his bedside, guiding his chest to rise and fall at a steady rhythm. He watched as Krolia moved to Keith’s bedside, deftly avoiding the stand holding the various IV solutions that were being supplied to him. She reached out, taking up his hand so gently as she sat on the edge of the bed, “I should have never left him,” she whispered, reaching out to stroke Keith’s bangs away from his closed eyes, her eyes almost mournful.

“He’s going to be okay,” Shiro managed faintly, walking up to the opposite side of the bed to give Krolia some space, “Trust me. He’s resilient as they come, more so than any average human.”

“Shiro is right,” Kolivan nodded, “When Keith completed the trials, he lasted far longer than I thought he would for a Galra of his size. He is very strong. He will recover in full.”

“I hope so,” Krolia murmured, leaning in to press a kiss to Keith’s forehead.

The room was quiet after that, and eventually another officer came looking for Shiro and he was forced to leave the room to tend to Garrison business, “Tell me if anything happens,” he begged before he left, “I’ll be back but- if anything changes, please have them tell me…”

Krolia gave him a firm nod before he left the room, and he spent the next several hours busy with Commander Iverson and other officials in the aftermath of the battle. The first chance he got to slip away, he found himself back in the medical wing. He checked in on all the other paladins before heading to his final destination. Pidge was already awake and with her family so he didn’t stay long. Lance had been awake for a little while, but was resting by the time Shiro came by. Hunk was in the same state as Lance, though their rooms were both filled with their families so he didn’t worry much about them. Allura was awake and talking with Coran so Shiro spent some time with her, but eventually he found his way back to Keith’s room.

Nothing had changed since his last visit. Keith’s eyes were still closed, Krolia was still clutching his hand, and Kolivan was still leaning back against the window watching them.

Something inside him _needed_ Keith to be okay.

Now that things were calming down for a little while at least, he could feel himself opening his heart again, and every time Keith’s words rang through his head he just wanted to hear them again as himself.

_I love you._

Keith loved him.

And he knew he loved Keith.

He hadn’t gotten a chance to say it. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to talk to Keith about their fight. He hated the fact that he had scarred Keith, hurt him, nearly killed him, but Keith still smiled at him so warmly despite it all. Keith remained by his side, and he supposed that was proof enough of his enduring love.

It was a waiting game from then on. As days passed by with no change, the doctor assured them that Keith’s vitals were fine and it was better for him to rest with his concussion. The other paladins were predictably concerned when they heard about Keith’s condition. They had made their way to his hospital room to visit him while he was still unconscious, staying for a little while in the quiet of his room before returning to their own. Even if he couldn’t see nor hear any of them, Shiro still hoped that Keith knew deep down that they were all pulling for him.

—

Nearly ten days after he had found Keith, the Black Paladin finally woke up.

Shiro had spent days at his bedside, checking in on him whenever he could. He usually just held Keith’s hand and spoke softly to him, recalling events of his day, and usually some memories of them from the old days like flying hoverbikes in the desert. He told Keith how much he meant to him, how grateful he was for him, how much he loved him, all in the hope that Keith could possibly still hear him in his unconscious state.

The doctors eventually weaned him off the medications keeping him asleep, removed the breathing apparatus, and then left him to wake up naturally on his own, which took another full day.

He had been heading to Keith’s room for an update anyway when he saw Krolia coming down the hall. His greeting died in his throat when he saw her face angled down to try and hide the tears in her eyes and despair etched into her expression.

In that moment, his blood ran cold.

What had happened to Keith? Was he _alright_? Did something go _wrong_?

He was running before he could help it, nearly tripping over himself as he raced down the hall to Keith’s room.

“Keith!” He panted the other boy’s name as he stumbled into the doorway, a smile coming to his face immediately to see Keith sitting back in bed against the pillows, but the moment Keith’s eyes fell on him, his tired gaze lost and confused, he began to realize something was horribly wrong.

“Who...” Keith started, his voice hoarse from disuse, and his throat gave a slow bob before he spoke again, “Who are you?”

* * *

 

Who are you?

_Who are you?_

The words rattled through Shiro’s head as he stared at Keith in shock, and he was unable to answer before some of the medical staff came into the room, tending to Keith with a variety of checks and tests to make sure he was okay.

He clearly wasn’t okay, and by the time they were done and Keith was asleep once more from the effects of the pain medication, Shiro still didn’t know what to say.

“How is he?” He finally choked out when a doctor pulled him aside, “He said- he didn’t remember-”

“It seems he is experiencing some amnesia,” the doctor said slowly.

“ _Some_?” Shiro stared at him in shock, “He doesn’t _remember me_. He doesn’t remember his own- _his own_ _mother_... What _does_ he remember?”

“He remembers that he was in a battle,” the doctor said, “He remembers falling for a long time, and then he remembers waking up here. He doesn’t know where this is, and he doesn’t know what the Garrison is either. He will likely be more lucid the next time he wakes up though. With memory loss, things that _do_ come back tend to come back at random moments, but upon initial awakening things are the most scattered.”

“I understand,” Shiro whispered, managing a nod, “When will he wake up again?”

“Can’t say for sure, Captain,” the doctor offered him a small smile of condolence, “But the exhaustion and pain medication will knock him out for a while, and he still needs a lot of rest, so perhaps tonight, maybe not even until tomorrow morning.”

After thanking the doctor, Shiro knew he needed to find Krolia. He had never seen her looking so distraught, and if Keith’s memory loss had affected him so deeply, he couldn’t imagine how upset Keith’s own mother would be.

He found her in the Black Lion’s hanger, sitting on the floor against one of the massive metal paws, “Mind if I join you?” He asked quietly. She looked up at him briefly, her eyes sad as she nodded and scooted over a bit to make room for him.

“Does he remember you?” She asked after a few minutes of companionable silence.

“No,” Shiro sighed, lacing his fingers together in his lap, “He looked at me and- nothing. There was nothing.”

“He- asked me who I was,” Krolia whispered, “He didn’t know me. After all this time, I’ve lost him _again_ … I should have protected him better... If only I had just stayed, maybe I could have helped him.”

“This is not your fault,” Shiro shook his head, “He has a brain injury. That’s what a concussion is,” he explained, “The doctor said it would be the worst the first time he woke up, but from that point on he could start remembering things again. Maybe you should be there for that...”

“I will try to be,” Krolia nodded, “But I- I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable by waking up injured with a stranger at his side.”

“You’re not a stranger,” Shiro said gently, “He knows all of us. Was he even phased when he saw an alien in his room?” Krolia shook her head, “See? He wasn’t. So he still knows you deep down, but he can’t remember right now.”

“I hope you are right,” Krolia sighed, pressing her face into her hands, “I cannot _lose_ him again…”

“I know,” Shiro breathed, reaching out to rest his hand on Krolia’s shoulder, “I know.”

* * *

 

Keith slept for another twenty-five hours before he woke up again, and when he did Shiro was in the middle of visiting Hunk, who was about ready to be discharged in another day or two. Krolia had been in and out of her son’s room, but for the time being was at the doorframe of Hunk’s room, smiling softly as the yellow paladin’s family recalled some embarrassing family stories about him.

“Doctor? He’s awake,” a nurse’s voice in the hall caught Shiro attention and he turned away from Hunk to listen, “He’s asking for his mother.”

“Who is?” Krolia asked sharply, striding up to the nurse.

“The Black Paladin, Keith,” the nurse stammered a bit, pointing down the hall. Krolia exchanged one glance with him before she was off, and Shiro was quick to follow, reaching the door to Keith’s room a moment after her.

“Keith!” She gasped as she opened the door, rushing to his bedside. Keith was sitting up against the pillows, his eyes frantic and teary as they focused on Krolia.

“M-mom? No one was here when I woke up,” he said in a tiny voice, and Krolia immediately took up his hand, “I didn’t- I didn’t know where you were...”

“I’m right here, Keith,” Krolia soothed, her voice wavering with emotion, “I’m not going to leave you.”

Keith seemed to relax a bit into the bed after that, his eyes blinking tiredly up at his mother. Even awake, he still looked exhausted, and Shiro realized that a lot of rest probably meant a few weeks’ worth, perhaps even longer. He wasn’t allowed out of bed yet for anything due to the healing incisions in his abdomen, and he probably would be stuck in bed for a while until the risk of him tearing any of the stitches went down.

“What happened?” Keith asked softly, “Everything just- hurts... my head hurts. There were people before asking me questions and I just- my head hurt and I didn’t know what to say.”

“You were hurt, Keith,” Shiro said from the doorway, walking a few steps into the room, “In the final battle. The lions went down and-”

“ _Lions_?” Keith echoed, his brows furrowing helplessly as he stared over at Shiro, “Wait, you- you were here before too... Who _are_ you?”

It hurt as much as the first time. When Keith looked at him with tired, confused eyes it hurt and hurt and _hurt_. Keith didn’t know him. Keith remembered Krolia, but not him.

But Keith’s memory still had chance of recovering, and he knew from the myriad articles he had read the past two nights about amnesia that he shouldn’t push him to remember.

So instead he gave Keith the warmest smile he could muster and took a step closer to his bedside for familiarity, “I’m Takashi Shirogane. Everyone calls me Shiro though.”

“Takashi,” Keith murmured, giving a slow nod, “Are you- a doctor?”

“No, no I’m not a doctor,” Shiro smiled, “I just- I work at the Garrison.”

“The Garrison,” Keith repeatedly faintly, his eyes scanning the room before they fell on Krolia, “Is that where we are?”

“Yes,” Krolia said gently, passing her fingers carefully through Keith’s hair, “Do you not remember that?”

“I- I don’t… I’m trying but I- _ugh_ ,” Keith groaned as he clutched at his head, squeezing his eyes shut, “My head hurts... it really hurts.”

“Don’t push yourself,” Shiro said quickly, “Everything is alright. Why don’t you just rest, okay? Krolia will be here with you.”

“You will?” Keith asked out quietly, his brows turning up in a vulnerable look as he turned his head towards his mother.

“Yes, my heart,” Krolia smiled and leaned to press a kiss to his forehead, “You rest now. I will be here.”

Shiro took that as his queue to leave, and it hurt to turn away and walk out the door, but it was what Keith needed in that moment. He was weak and wounded, and he needed space so he could even hope to recover. That didn’t change the fact that all he had wanted was to hold Keith as soon as he woke up, but instead he found himself feeling completely closed off from him.

The only thing he could do was be patient and gentle with him, and hope that his memory returned.

* * *

 

A few days passed and Keith was starting to feel better, but he was still too exhausted to really do much of anything but sleep. Headaches plagued him nearly every day, and he spent most of the time in bed in the dark. The doctors told Shiro that his sensitivity to noise and light had also increased, common symptoms of his concussion, and they said it was better for him to just get rest in a quiet, darkened room.

Shiro had come by one day when the nurses were changing the dressings from his surgery, and he had felt his heart drop at the sight of the deep bruising that was still splotched over Keith’s side combined with the new incisions that would scar once they healed. While the other paladins had been released from the hospital and were back to helping Earth clean up and rebuild, Keith was still so far off from that, and he didn’t even know it himself.

Some of Keith’s recollection of things that had happened were returning though. He remembered the Black Lion and bits of the war eventually, and he remembered his hover bike, but he didn’t remember anyone except for Krolia and Kosmo, who usually was found sleeping on top of his feet on the bed. The other Paladins were a mystery to him when Shiro had brought them up, and truthfully he hadn’t had the guts to tell the others what had happened to Keith.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with that for long so eventually he had the other paladins gather in a private room to break the news to them.

“Is this about Keith?” Hunk asked before he could even speak.

“How did you-”

“It’s kind of obvious, Shiro,” the yellow paladin frowned, “None of us have gotten to see him since he woke up. It’s been almost a week…”

“Guys, listen,” Shiro sighed, “Keith was- hurt pretty badly in the battle. He needs a lot of rest and-”

“That doesn’t mean we cannot visit for even a few moments,” Allura said earnestly, but with a gentle tone to her voice, clearly in understanding of his need to protect Keith.

“Yeah! You can’t keep him all to yourself, Shiro,” Lance huffed, “Keith might want to see more than just his mom and you, y’know...”

“ _He doesn’t_ ,” Shiro finally bit out, hating the way the other paladins’ faces morphed into collective looks of hurt and alarm, “He- he doesn’t know who any of you are, me included.”

“Wh-what?” Pidge gasped quietly, breaking the shocked silence, “What do you mean, Shiro?”

“His concussion was- _bad_ ,” Shiro sighed leaning back against a wall as he spoke, “The doctor’s said it was within the grade of highest severity, and that was partly why they wanted him to sleep for a week… When he woke up, he didn’t know anything: where he was, who Krolia was, who I was, or anything that happened, _nothing_.”

“But he knows his mom now, right?” Hunk asked out faintly, “He knows her now so that means he’s remembering people, right?”

“He remembered her the second time he woke up, and he remembers his wolf, but no one else yet,” Shiro explained, ignoring the growing lump in his throat, “He’s remembered a little bit about Voltron and the lions and the war, but nothing about us.”

“Well,” Lance breathed out a long breath before he gave them all a grin, his hands placed on his hips, “We’ve just gotta reintroduce ourselves! I’m sure once we spend some time with him he’ll start to remember!”

“That could possibly work,” Allura nodded, a smile back on her face.

“Guys, he’s still hurt,” Shiro said warily, “He’s barely been out of bed yet, and he’s still healing from his surgery. I don’t know if overwhelming him with information is the best thing for him right now.”

“You don’t know for sure. It couldn’t hurt to try,” Pidge said very matter-of-factly.

“Pidge is right,” Hunk nodded with fervor, “We haven’t even gotten to see him awake yet! Come on, Shiro… Maybe seeing us _could_ help!”

Against the chorus of the other paladins agreeing with Hunk, Shiro knew he had likely lost the battle, and he reluctantly gave a small nod of consent, “Alright,” he said softly, “But only for a few minutes. The doctors have been pretty strict on letting in visitors other than his mom.”

“His mom and _you_ ,” Lance said with a smirk, “You’re always in there, Shiro.”

“I-I mean, I _did_ find him after the battle,” Shiro stammered quickly, turning towards the door to avoid the knowing looks he was getting and hide the heat in his cheeks, “Just- come by tomorrow. He’s usually awake around lunchtime.”

And as anticipated, the paladins were waiting for him in the medical wing hallway that contained Keith’s room the next day, dressed in their plainclothes rather than Garrison uniforms, “We figured since he’s seen us dressed like this most often, it would be best for his memory,” Pidge explained, “I did some reading on amnesia overnight so I’ve been sharing it with everyone.”

“That’s good,” Shiro smiled, “Truthfully, I did the same thing after I first found out. Come on, let’s go in.”

Keith was sitting up in bed when they came into the dimly lit room, the tray that attached to his hospital bed pushed off to the side with the remains of his lunch sitting atop it. Krolia was at his side, her hand holding his as usual, and Kosmo was curled up, eyes closed, on top of his feet. When they entered, Keith’s expression held guarded familiarity at the sight of Shiro entering, but that immediately changed to something warier and confused when the others entered.

“Keith,” Shiro smiled, “You remember how we were talking about your lion, right? About the others you fly with?” Keith gave a slow nod, his eyes moving quickly from one paladin to the next before falling back on Shiro’s face, “Well, these are your fellow paladins,” Shiro said, stepping to the side so the four of them could come forward.

They each introduced themselves in the same way Shiro had, but he could tell by the look in Keith’s eyes that their faces and words meant nothing to him. There was no recollection in his expression, not even a spark of recognition, and that was even more heartbreaking to Shiro.

Keith had already had such a hard time opening up to the others and getting to know them in the first place, and finally when they had reached a point where they were all pretty close after the months and months they spent in space trying to reach Earth, everything was gone again.

And he could see that the paladins felt that too.

“So,” Hunk smiled nervously, “Do you kinda get a vibe from any of us? Like that you know us?”

“I- I don’t,” Keith whispered, his eyebrows knitted together in a desperate look, “A-are you sure about all this? I don’t- it all just feels wrong…”

“It’s not wrong!” Lance exclaimed with incredulity sharp in his voice, “Keith, we’ve all been travelling together for, like, _years_ at this point!”

“Years?” Keith echoed, staring down at his lap to let the weight of Lance’s words sink in before he looked up to Krolia’s face, “That can’t be real, can it?”

“It’s true, Keith,” Allura said softly, “We have all come a long way together. We are like a family of sorts.”

“I- I’m sorry,” Keith shook his head lightly, “You all seem- really nice, but I just… I can’t remem-”

“Come _on_ , Keith!” Lance said, desperation clearly cracking through his voice, “How can you really look at all of us and not know who we are? We’ve been through so much! With all the people we’ve lost, we can’t lose each other now that we’ve come so far.”

“I just said I can’t!” Keith snapped, his eyes narrowing, “I _can’t_ , okay? I can- _agh_!” He cried out and doubled over, grasping at his head as he groaned through gritted teeth, his other hand curling into a fistful of the bed sheets.

“Keith!” Krolia’s voice was louder than Shiro’s own exclamation, but he still rushed to Keith’s bedside, reaching to put a hand on his back only for the other boy to flinch hard at the touch.

Right…

Keith still didn’t know him either.

He pulled his hand away as fast as he could, taking a step back as Krolia soothed Keith, coaxed him back to lay down in the bed and pulling the blankets up to cover him. Kosmo’s slumber had been disturbed in the commotion and he clambered up to curl more closely against Keith’s side, making a soft whine at his owner’s distress, “I think it would be best for Keith to rest alone,” Krolia said, her voice firm but not without sympathy for the paladins, “Please leave for now. Perhaps you can return when he’s feeling better.”

“Hey, I- I’m sorry,” Lance got out before he left the room, “I didn’t mean to- to push… I’m sorry.”

Krolia gave him an understanding nod before he filed out behind the other paladins, leaving Shiro alone with Keith and his mother once more, “Are you alright, Keith?” Krolia asked softly, her hand stroking over Keith’s cheek, the cheek Shiro had scarred.

“My head is just- _pounding_ ,” Keith mumbled into the pillow, “Every time I even try and remember any of this it _hurts_.”

“I know, I know,” Krolia soothed him, her voice low and calming, “There’s no need to push yourself. You will remember as time goes on.” Keith was quiet after that, and Shiro took it as his cue to leave the room. His heart ached for Keith as he walked back to his own quarters. He hated seeing Keith in pain, hated the lost look in his eyes, but he knew it was highly possible for Keith’s memories to never return and he had to prepare for that.

The most he could do was keep visiting Keith and he found himself in the doorway to Keith’s room the next afternoon as always.

“Keith?” he spoke the other boy’s name quietly, giving him a soft smile when Keith’s eyes opened and focused on him, “Can I come in?” Keith nodded slowly, watching him as he walked across the room, sitting in one of the chairs at his bedside, “Is Krolia busy?” he asked, noting how the chair usually occupied by Keith’s mother was empty.

“Yeah,” Keith mumbled, reaching up to rub at his eyes, “She had something to do with- with the Blades?”

“The Blade of Marmora,” Shiro clarified with a nod, “It’s a faction she belongs to, and so do you.”

“I do?” Keith asked faintly before he shook his head, letting out a long sigh, “I- I hate this,” he choked out, “I just- woke up here and I- I don’t really know what’s even going on. I don’t know any of these people or what happened to Earth or any of this and I- no matter how hard I try I can’t… I just have all these gaps and holes in my mind and whenever I try to cross them my head starts pounding and I-”

“Shh, hey, it’s okay, you’re alright,” Shiro said quickly, noting the way Keith’s chest was starting to rise and fall faster in his distress, “Keith, it’s okay. You’re doing fine.”

“I’m _not_!” Keith’s voice raised, his eyes alight with the threat of desperate tears when he met Shiro’s gaze, “I’m _not_ doing fine! Every day the doctors try and ask me all these questions and I can’t even answer them! Those other _paladins_ , the way they looked at me _hurts_ because I didn’t know them!” His voice cracked as he paused to take a breath, the wetness beading in his eyes starting to fall down his pale cheeks, “And _you_ ,” he choked out, “You keep sitting here with me and telling me _everything is okay_ and acting so- so _kind_ , but I can hear it in your voice and I can see it in your eyes… Every time you look at me you’re suffering, you’re _miserable,_ Shiro.”

Keith’s words were true, and each and every one of them made his heart ache for the other boy. He wanted nothing more than to wipe the tears from his cheeks, hold him tightly and kiss him until he felt better, until he remembered how much Shiro meant to him.

But he couldn’t do that so instead he just sat back in his chair and let out a long sigh before he admitted the truth, “You’re right, Keith,” he whispered, “God, I could- I could never hide from how perceptive you were… You know nothing about me and yet you still somehow know _everything_ ,” he let out a weak laugh, “I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve been coddling you… I just didn’t want to overwhelm you. I didn’t want you to be in pain.”

“ _Shiro_ -” Keith started but Shiro shook his head, reaching out to touch his hand gently, a smile on his face.

“It’s fine, Keith,” he murmured, relieved that Keith didn’t flinch away at his touch, “If you want to try and remember things, I’m here for you, okay? I’ll help you fill in any blanks I can, but I don’t want you to be in pain. You’re still recovering and I- all I want is to see you healthy again.”

“You’ll help me?” Keith asked quietly, “Even if- even if I never really remember you?”

“I’ll always help you, Keith,” Shiro smiled, “With anything you need, I’ll help you.”

“Okay,” Keith nodded, his throat bobbing as he hastily wiped away the few tears that had dampened his cheeks, “I- I remember everything from when I was with my dad,” he admitted, “But after that it’s just all messed up… After he died I- I remember being in a school, doing all these tests with simulators, and I remember being out in the desert… I remember a rocket launch?” He asked out, his eyebrows drawing up slightly, “And I watched it long after everyone else had left, long after it had left from view, and I- I don’t know… After that everything is just- fragmented… I was in the desert and then I remember being in space and fighting. It’s all a blur until- I was falling for a long time, in that lion you mentioned? I didn’t know how to stop and I just- I couldn’t hold on,” he choked out, his voice shaking the more he spoke, “I thought I was going to _die_ and I- I didn’t _want_ to die without- w-without…” He trailed off then, a lost, broken sound leaving his throat as he hung his head.

His fingers had tightened around Shiro’s own as he spoke, and Shiro gave the back of his hand several slow passes with his thumb, hoping to try and soothe him. Clearly Keith was missing a lot from their time in the Castle of Lions, but Shiro figured he could elaborate on some of the things he _did_ remember.

He waited a few minutes before he spoke, letting Keith calm down first, “So you… remember the Kerberos launch?” He finally asked, and Keith lifted his head up again to meet his gaze, his eyes holding a small spark of recollection.

“Kerberos launch,” he murmured, “Was that- the rocket?”

“Yeah,” Shiro said, a small, wistful smile on his lips, “I- invited you to the launch… I wanted you to see me off.”

“Really?” Keith stared at him with wide eyes, “I was that important to you?” The shock in his face made Shiro’s heart clench and a bittersweet smile came to his face.

“You still are, Keith…”

The look Keith gave him was something different from the lost expressions of hurt and confusion he had seen on the other boy’s face in the recent days. For one long moment, he looked like he was seeing Shiro, actually _seeing_ him instead of just trying to figure him out.

“I think… I think I should rest now,” Keith murmured eventually, “But, thank you, Shiro, for talking with me.”

“Of course,” Shiro smiled, “Anytime you need me, I’ll be here… Maybe when the doctor’s clear you, I can even take you out around the Garrison. Seeing everything yourself will probably help you get a grasp on what’s going on right now, you know?”

“Could we see the- the lions too?” Keith asked as he moved to lay back down in bed, his eyes imploring Shiro from where he rested against his pillows.

“If you want to, I’m sure that can be arranged,” Shiro nodded, giving Keith’s hand a squeeze before he moved to let go, “I’ll let you rest-”

“W-wait!” Keith’s fingers tightened around his own, holding on with enough strength that kept him from losing his touch altogether, “Can you stay? At least until my mom comes back, or until I fall asleep?”

“Of course, Keith,” Shiro settled back into his chair, watching as Keith’s eyelids grew heavy and eventually slipped shut. It was easy for him to fall asleep, likely due to the exhausting task of his body healing, and Shiro knew when Keith’s grip on his own hand went slack that he was asleep.

He didn’t leave though. He didn’t even think of leaving. He just stayed at Keith’s side, holding his hand, and waiting for him to come back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya have it, folks :3c 
> 
> I hope you liked this first chapter!! Please please please please please leave a comment letting me know what you think or what you liked most or anything!! Hearing from people really makes me so motivated ;w; 
> 
> As usual, you can find me [on twitter @leokuumi](https://twitter.com/leokuumi) and [on tumblr @carbonbop](http://carbonbop.tumblr.com)! I love Sheith and talking about Sheith and crying about Sheith so please come find me if you want! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I'll see you for chapter 2! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: tries to write a one-shot  
> me: fails  
> me: tries instead to write a short two part fic  
> me: fails
> 
> HELLO AGAIN AFTER 85,000 YEARS I got so busy with the start of school I'm sorry but Hi!!!! I'm back with chapter two of this hopefully only three.... (maaybe four) part fic :3c This chapter is from Keith's point of view since the last one was from Shiwo's. 
> 
> Thank you for the response last time! This is one of the very very few times I have ever written in canon verse for vld, and the only time I've actually written along the lines of the season events. I hope all the characters seem well-written and stuff!!!
> 
> Thank you AGAIN to the wonderful [@makotomiracle](https://twitter.com/makotomiracle) for beta-ing this chapter!!!!! <3
> 
> ANYWHO, here's chapter tho :3c Hope you like it!!!! Seeya down belowwww

The first moments after he had woken up from what he had later learned was a week-long coma were the most terrifying experiences of Keith’s life.

Of course, he had been too numbed by pain medication and exhaustion to properly experience that terror. Frankly, he had no idea what had happened to him. Since the moment he’d opened his eyes, every day was a blur under a haze of confusion, fear, and exhaustion.

He felt calmer with his mom and Kosmo with him, but everything else was daunting and strange, and with how much pain he was in he couldn’t help being terrified.

The doctors had tried to explain what had happened to him; the head injury and the surgery, both of which he had pinpointed as his main sources of pain. Truthfully, he wished he hadn’t woken up when he did. He wished he could have rested and rested until everything was okay, until he remembered all that he had lost and his wounds had scarred over.

All he really remembered were bits of his dreams within the coma. They had been comforting; a low voice in his head painting pictures with words of days long gone and days just passed, and a shared love.

But he couldn’t stay like that forever, and instead of the blissful peace of his coma he woke up every single day with pain in his head that ranged from dull to excruciating, and no new recollections of the people around him.

His mom was usually at his side, sometimes accompanied by the larger Galra whose name he had learned to be Kolivan. The Galra looked at him with nearly no emotion betraying his steely gaze, but there was always the slightest sliver of hope there, and Keith knew every time he woke up he brought that hope crumbling down.

Shiro was the one who didn’t even try and disguise his faith nor his longing; or maybe he did and didn’t realize just how bad he was at it. Either way, Keith could see it every time he came to visit him. At first, he had hated it due to his own uselessness, but now he only pitied it and yearned to understand the man who claimed to know him so well.

Takashi Shirogane’s voice was so familiar to him, but familiar in an infuriating way where every time he thought he could figure out _why_ , his head seared with pain and, by the time the pain faded to a point where he could think once more, the answer was gone again.

Still, he liked having Shiro at his bedside talking to him. His voice was always low and warm and soft when he spoke, and his eyes mirrored the same care held in his tone. Keith found he sometimes dozed off to the soothing tones of Shiro’s voice, a fact he always felt guilty about once he woke up again, but Shiro always gave him an understanding smile that washed away any of the embarrassment lingering in his heart.

It was because of Shiro and his mom that he hadn’t gone stir-crazy at that point. He knew under any other circumstances he would resent the fact that he was basically confined to his hospital bed, but trying to get up and walk to the bathroom himself just once had exhausted him to a point of appreciation for his bed.

“You are healing well, Keith,” his main doctor said to him one late afternoon a few days shy of two weeks after he had awoken for the first time, “But slowly… This is normal though considering the condition you were found in. You had lost a considerable amount of blood, and the hypothermia didn’t help your shock symptoms. That combined with the length of time it took Captain Shirogane to find you, you’re technically on a reasonable track.”

“And what’s that timetable like exactly?” Keith asked tiredly, “How long do I have to stay in here?”

“I don’t want to put an exact date on that,” the doctor frowned.

“Then can I at least leave the bed? Go outside?” He asked, feeling his mom’s hand tighten around his own when desperation crept into his voice, “I can’t hope to remember anything if I’m just- just _cooped up_ in here.”

“Your wounds are still in danger of infection, and the possibility of your internal injuries bleeding again is too great to risk a lot of movement. Your lost memory is secondary to your life-”

“How can you expect me to live my life after this if I can’t remember _anyone_ or _anything_?” Keith nearly spat, irritation creeping up his throat, “I want to at least leave the hospital wing… Can’t you manage that?”

“I- Sir, I don’t think-”

“Are you not equipped to handle his request?” Krolia cut in, her eyes narrowed at the doctor, “Can your staff not manage to safely allow a patient who has been here for weeks to go out for even a little while?”

“Shiro said he’d take me to see some of the engineering bays, and the lions,” Keith said, “He would bring me back at the first sign of something going wrong…”

“Alright,” the doctor sighed, clearly frazzled under Krolia’s intense gaze, “You will remain in a wheelchair, but Captain Shirogane has permission to take you around inside the Garrison pending a check-up on that day.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Krolia nodded, and Keith could hear the victorious smirk in her voice. When the doctor left, Keith let himself relax back into the bed and Krolia’s hand fell into his hair, stroking gently but carefully to avoid the bandage, “Are you alright? How are you feeling today?”

“Still tired,” Keith sighed out, “And I’m just- more and more frustrated every day… I still don’t remember any of those people who came to visit me…”

“They will return to you in time,” Krolia soothed, “They all care for you very much, and you yourself told me quite a lot about Shiro. A bond like that won’t be lost to you forever.”

“Just how close were we?” Keith asked carefully, “Shiro was telling me some stuff from the past and he made it sound like- like we were _really_ close…”

“From what I understand, you were,” Krolia said, “Shiro was there for you after your father’s passing when I couldn’t be… If I had known you were alone, if I had _known_ you had lost him I- I would have come back, Keith. I would have returned for you…”

“I know you would have,” Keith smiled sadly, feeling a pang of despair in his chest for the childhood he basically lost when his dad died, “But you’re here now… That’s all that matters.”

“Rest, my heart,” Krolia said in response, “You need sleep.” He didn’t have the strength to protest even if he had wanted to and he easily fell asleep.

He dreamed of a dark place lit by a strange violet hue. Everything was hazy even as he tried to focus his gaze and interpret his surroundings, squinting into the distance at a strange, repeated shape. He felt himself moving closer to investigate, but he didn’t get very far.

_“Hello Keith.”_

A voice echoed in his head, dark and cruel, but tinged with familiarity, and he could feel his head suddenly pounding and _pounding_.

He was fighting someone and _losing_ , and then he was falling, dragged down and fading into an abyss.

He was _dying_.

He woke up with a scream, thrashing against the coarse hospital sheets and blankets that suddenly seemed to be strangling him. Usually, he slept through the night and into the next morning, but he had been shaken awake by strange dreams once or twice, though nothing so drastic before.

“Keith! _Keith_!” He felt hands grabbing him, a strong arm wrapping around him to hold him still from his thrashing, spreading soothing warmth into his body, “I’ve got you. I’ve _got you_ , Keith. You’re safe, you’re okay…” He recognized the voice, but before he could calm down enough to look up, he was being laid down in the bed, an oxygen mask placed over his nose and mouth. That brought some clarity back to his mind, and he realized that he was gasping for air, lightheaded and starving for it as his entire body trembled with the force of the nightmare.

“Shh, shh, you’re okay. Just breathe. Nice deep breaths, Keith.” There were warm fingers brushing through his hair, and when he leaned to his right his cheek met with something soft and warm and comforting, a steady heartbeat reverberating in his ear.

It calmed him. It took a little while, though he didn’t know really how long, but he calmed down.

And when he opened his eyes, familiar grey eyes were gazing down at him with heavy concern, “Hey there,” Shiro whispered, some relief breaking through the worry on his face as he hesitantly smiled.

“Sh-” He started to try and speak, but his words caught in his dry throat and his head suddenly felt like it was throbbing again.

“Don’t talk, just breathe, okay? The doctor’s going to come check on you,” Shiro soothed him, still running his fingers slowly through his hair. His eyes moved briefly to the clock on the wall; it was just after three in the morning.

What was Shiro doing here at three in the morning?

When he looked back at him, he noted in his fuzzy mind that Shiro wasn’t even in his uniform. He was wearing a thin, white tank-top and grey sweatpants. He looked past Shiro and saw a blanket and a pillow on the chair at his bedside and suddenly it managed to connect despite how groggy and pained his head felt.

Shiro was spending the night there at his bedside.

Had he done it before? Wasn’t he uncomfortable?

And _why_? Why would he do that? Why would he sacrifice a decent night’s sleep to stay with him?

He didn’t care to puzzle through it in that moment. He was more than relieved Shiro was there and he reached out, clinging to Shiro’s metal hand with as much strength as he could muster.

Exhaustion pulled at him as he waited for the doctor to come in, too tired to open his eyes even as the nurses fussed with taking his vitals and changing his IV, but Shiro coaxed him into wakefulness when the doctor finally entered the room. The doctor inspected his incisions thoroughly to make sure he hadn’t torn any stitches in his erratic movements, carefully palpating his abdomen and pulling away whenever he flinched at twinges of pain.

“The stitches look alright, only a little irritated,” the doctor confirmed when he was done with his examination, motioning for his nurses to replace the mask over Keith’s face with a cannula instead, “Though I am concerned about this happening again… You could have badly hurt yourself, Keith. Tearing your stitches externally or internally would have meant more surgery and more time in here.”

“It was my fault,” Shiro said quickly, squeezing his hand before he continued, “I- left for only a moment to check something… Usually his mom or I are here when he’s sleeping. I guess subconsciously he knew I was gone and had a nightmare,” he frowned, still carding his warm fingers through Keith’s hair, “It won’t happen again. I promise.”

“Shiro…” Keith whispered out the name, earning a sad smile from the older man in return, and he found that for some reason he hated seeing that expression on Shiro’s face more than anything. A slow feeling of distress rose up in his chest then, curling into his throat in a way that made tears spring into his eyes, and he quickly turned his head away to hide them. He didn’t want Shiro to be sad.

Eventually the doctor left, and he could hear Shiro’s soft sigh before he spoke to him in a gentle tone, clearly choosing his words carefully, “You okay, Keith?”

“I-I’m fine,” Keith rasped, letting out a long breath before he turned his head back towards Shiro, “Do you- really stay here every night?”

“I- well, yeah,” a sheepish smile came over Shiro’s face, “I didn’t at first, but one night I couldn’t sleep so I was wandering the halls and my feet instinctively took me here… You didn’t look like you were sleeping too well and I just- took your hand and you calmed down. Ever since then I’ve been spending the night in here.”

“Isn’t it uncomfortable?” Keith asked, his eyes flicking to the chair Shiro was sitting in and then back to his face.

“It’s not too bad,” Shiro laughed quietly, “Trust me, I’ve slept in worse places, and if it’s to help you, I don’t mind at all.”

“But _why_ don’t you mind,” Keith frowned, “Why would you do all of this for me? It was like- a-as soon as you were here, everything was _better_ and I- I don’t know _why_ …”

“We’ve been close for a long time, Keith,” Shiro murmured simply, “Maybe your body knows what your mind can’t remember… In time, maybe you’ll remember.”

“And if I don’t?” Keith asked, hearing how his own voice pitched upwards in helplessness, “What if I _don’t_?”

“Then you’ll- You’ll relearn,” Shiro said slowly, “You’re still here… You can still get back everything that you lost. I know you can do it, Keith.”

Shiro’s voice was so earnest, and Keith could hear some of his obvious desperation seeping through so much so that he didn’t really have a way to respond around the lump in his throat. Instead he just let his eyelids droop halfway as he leaned into Shiro’s steady fingers in his hair. He didn’t know why, but that seemed to be the best thing to do in the moment and it calmed the brewing feelings of loss and confusion in his chest.

He eventually drifted back to sleep, and the next time he woke Shiro was gone, replaced by his mom, and he _missed_ him.

* * *

 

Keith spent the next few days in and out of sleep, shivering with the effects of a fever that decided to befall him. The doctor didn’t seem too concerned about it, simply prescribing him an antipyretic and insisting he get more rest. He didn’t really know how it was possible to get even more rest when he spent nearly every moment of every day in bed, but he didn’t have the energy to argue.

After a few days later, when he was feeling better, a nurse came and knocked lightly on the doorframe. He looked up from where he had been gazing out the window at the setting sun, his hand buried in Kosmo’s fur, and the nurse gave him a soft smile, “You have a visitor if you’re feeling up for it.”

“Oh,” Keith felt his eyebrows raising in surprise, “Shiro?” The other man had been busy lately, and Keith had seen slightly less of him, but he never had a nurse announce his arrival.

“No, not Captain Shirogane,” the nurse shook her head, “One of the Paladins of Voltron.”

“O-okay,” Keith swallowed slowly, nodding once, “I guess that’s fine…” He hadn’t seen any of the other paladins since they had come and visited him with Shiro. He figured they were avoiding him. He had heard the hurt in their voices when he didn’t recognize them, and he didn’t know what kind of people they really were so what else was he to think other than that they were steering clear.

“Hey Keith,” a voice came from the doorway and he looked up quickly, his eyes falling on the Yellow Paladin.

“Hi… Hunk,” he said slowly, his eyes moving from the paladin’s face to the box in his hands, “Um… you can come in if you want.”

“Thanks,” Hunk smiled, crossing the room to sit in the chair usually occupied by Shiro, “How are you feeling? Shiro told us you’ve been kind of out of it for a few days…”

There was only concern in Hunk’s tone so Keith managed a nod, sliding his fingers through the shorter fur on Kosmo’s forehead, “Yeah, I was really tired… The doctors said I kept spiking a fever, but I’m better now.”

“That’s a relief,” Hunk smiled, his brown eyes shining in a reflection of his words, “I wanted to visit you more, but since you couldn’t remember us too much I didn’t want to overwhelm you,” he explained, “But Shiro has been keeping us all up to date! We haven’t been avoiding you, I swear.”

“It would be okay if you were,” Keith shrugged one shoulder, “I know I’m not the same person that you knew.”

“Nah, you definitely are,” Hunk grinned, “And I figured that even if you didn’t remember me, I could still try to cheer you up since you’re basically stuck in here.” He reached for the decently sized box he had set on the table that usually held Keith’s meals for the day, “You don’t remember, but I do, that you told me that black forest cake was your favorite when we were in space, and I could never find a good _alien_ substitute for chocolate so I promised you that when we got back to Earth I’d whip out my grandma’s old recipe and make you some,” he said proudly, opening the box.

Keith could feel his mouth watering as soon as he laid eyes on the cake Hunk displayed in front of him. It was covered in a layer of dark, rich chocolate frosting, a layer of whipped cream on the top decorated with syrup-soaked cherries. He felt his stomach twist in want and he quickly looked up to Hunk’s anticipatory face, “You made this for me?”

“Yup!” Hunk beamed, “Uh, obviously you don’t have to eat it all now. I can take whatever you don’t eat back to a fridge and bring you more later, but I thought it could, y’know, brighten your day?”

Keith stared back at him for a long moment before he gave a slow nod, “Did you- bring forks?” he asked softly.

“I came prepared,” Hunk grinned, handing him a fork before he stood to cut a piece out of the cake, sliding it onto a paper plate and handing it to him, “I hope you like it.”

“Th-thank you,” Keith stammered, accepting the plate before he hesitantly started eating the proffered cake.

It was good. _Really_ good. Better than the trays of mushy hospital food he had been eating for weeks. Something inside him ached with the realization that he had been craving something like it for so long.

He swallowed around a bite of cake before he spoke again, “My dad used to- go to this bakery on the way home from work on Fridays. He’d get a slice of cake and he’d bring it home for us to split and eat before dinner even… That’s why I- that’s why it’s my favorite.”

“Yeah?” Hunk smiled gently, reaching to touch the back of his hand just slightly, “I’m glad I could make it for you then. Was it good?”

“Really good,” Keith smiled softly, “Better than those- Teladuv lens cookies you made that one time,” he said with a laugh.

“What?” Hunk whispered, his eyes round when Keith looked over at him, “You _remember_ that?”

“Oh…” Keith whispered, staring down at his lap for a long moment, “I- I guess I- just remembered… I don’t know why. I guess it just- came to me,” he murmured before he looked up to Hunk’s face, “That’s good, right?”

“Yeah! That’s amazing, Keith!” Hunk exclaimed, his smile wide as he nodded, “See? You _will_ get your memories back eventually! It just takes time… Shiro said you’re still healing so I’m sure you’ll get more and more back as the days go on!”

“I- if you say so,” Keith managed, burying his hands in Kosmo’s fur again in a way to ground himself. He hadn’t even realized the memory had come back, but the fact that it had had only served to make him feel more frustrated then before. How could he remember such a random event and still not know anything about the people who claimed to care so much about him? He still looked at Hunk and saw a stranger, a considerate stranger who could bake really well, but a stranger nonetheless.

He couldn’t tell Hunk that though. That would break the smile that was on the Yellow Paladin’s face, and he knew he didn’t want that.

“If you want, I can make you other stuff too!” Hunk said as he boxed up the remaining cake, “When I was recovering, I had the same hospital food and it was _not_ good,” he huffed, “So if you’re craving something, I could make it for you?”

“Y-yeah,” Keith nodded, “That would be nice. I’ll let you know if something comes to mind. Thank you…”

“Sure thing!” Hunk grinned, “Should I let you rest now? You look pretty tired.”

“I should sleep before the nurses get on my case,” Keith admitted, “But um, Hunk? Could you- please don’t- tell anyone about… Just don’t tell anyone I remembered that one thing? I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up…”

_Especially Shiro’s._

He knew he wouldn’t be able to bear _that_ disappointment.  

Hunk’s expression softened in understanding and he nodded solemnly, “Sure, Keith. I’ll keep quiet. Get some rest, okay?”

He let out a long sigh after Hunk left the room, scratching his fingers against Kosmo’s ears. The wolf made a soft sound, shifting against him to mold against his side more fully, which he was grateful for. He felt isolated in mind and body. Aside from the few times his mom had held his hand, and when Shiro had caressed him back to sleep from his nightmare, he felt physically _alone_. The disconnect stemmed from his memory loss, but it seemed to encompass everything. His heart ached to be closer to someone, _anyone_ to help make him feel like he wasn’t completely alone.

Eventually, he slipped into a light sleep, hesitant to fully fall asleep for fear of a nightmare like the last one returning to haunt him.

* * *

 

A couple of days later, the doctor begrudgingly agreed to let him out of the hospital wing for a few hours. Shiro arrived in his doorway with a wheelchair and a beaming smile, and the expression told Keith all he needed to know, but he still asked to be sure, “Are they letting me out today?”

“Not _out_ -out,” Shiro said as he pushed the chair over to his bed, “Just for a little while, like I promised.”

“A little while is better than nothing,” Keith smiled softly, “I think I’m going a little stir-crazy in here.”

“That I believe,” Shiro laughed before he carefully pushed the blankets back on the bed, “You tell me if you start feeling sick or in pain or anything, okay?” He asked sternly and he helped Keith into the wheelchair, “I don’t want you to hurt yourself, and I don’t want it to be too much for you…”

“I’ll tell you. I promise,” Keith smiled gently as Shiro hung his IV medications on the stand attached to the wheelchair. He waited while Shiro fetched a blanket, spreading it over his lap in such a fussy manner that Keith couldn’t help but huff out a laugh.

“What is it?” Shiro asked, looking up from where he was making sure the blanket was tucked around his hips, “Are you _laughing_ at me?”

“You’re just so- mother hen-like,” Keith smiled, “I’ll be _fine_ , Shiro. Can we go?”

“Alright, alright,” Shiro shook his head fondly as he stood up, “Just let me know if it’s too much and you want to come back.” He assumed his position behind the wheelchair and then they were off, passing the threshold of the hospital room into the hallway, and even that small movement made Keith feel better.

The Garrison wasn’t as he remembered. He had a few foggy images of it in his mind, but it was different now. He figured his recollection had been from before the Galra attacked. It was larger and more advanced than he really remembered, but it didn’t feel completely new to him.  

Thankfully, not a lot of people were around as Shiro pushed his wheelchair through various areas of the Garrison. He showed him the large meeting rooms, training areas, and simulation labs, detailing them with a kind of excitement Keith had never heard before but still made his heart beat faster, a fluttering feeling deep in his chest that didn’t fade until they were nearing the doors that took them outside.

“Are you okay to go out for a little bit?” Shiro asked softly, “The lions are all outside in separate areas. Did you want to see your lion?”

“Y-yeah,” Keith swallowed before he spoke, giving a slight nod. He suddenly felt nervous about seeing the Black Lion. It was supposedly his to pilot, something he had a deep bond with, but what if that was gone too?

Would he be able to reconnect with it? Would he be able to even fulfill his purpose anymore? He had been told multiple times that he was the _leader_ of _Voltron_ , and that was clearly very important, but he couldn’t remember at all what that meant to him.

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready, Keith,” Shiro said softly, a gentle hand grazing his shoulder in a comforting gesture, “We can go back to your room and you can rest if you want…”

“No,” Keith shook his head, “No, I- I have to see it… I have to _see it_.”

“Alright,” Shiro murmured, reaching to press a button on the wall that opened the double doors in front of them, “Let’s go then.”

Warm, dry air hit Keith’s face as they headed outside, and it felt comforting. He had always loved the desert. He liked how quiet it was, cool at night and warm during the day. It forced adaptability and change in anything that wanted to live in it, and the same had been true for Keith.

“Feels nice to be outside again, doesn’t it?” Shiro asked as he slowly pushed him in the wheelchair.

“Yeah,” Keith sighed, letting his eyes slip shut as a soft breeze tugged at his hair, “Better than the last time.”

The chair stopped moving then, and he could practically feel Shiro thinking behind him before the other man spoke, “You remember that?” he asked quietly, “You remember- the crash?”

“A little,” Keith shrugged, “I remember- falling, in the- the lion. All the systems were failing. The comms were down, the thrusters, everything… When I- hit the atmosphere, it felt like- an _explosion_ ,” he rasped, narrowing his eyes as he slowly pieced together the bits and pieces he recalled from that moment, “I was trying to contact- I think I was trying to- call _you_ ,” he murmured finally, his fingers fiddling with the hem of the blanket folded across his lap, “But it wouldn’t go through, and the entire cockpit felt like it was- _burning_.”

“Keith, you don’t have to-”

“And then we finally hit the ground,” Keith said, ignoring Shiro’s gentle attempt to cut him off from retelling the event, “But I wasn’t- I wasn’t in the lion anymore. I was outside and my head hurt, and I think- rocks kept falling on me and I covered my head because my helmet- it was gone… When everything stopped, when it all _stopped_ , it was so quiet,” he murmured, “The sun was warm and it was just- I thought it was a good place to-”

“ _Stop_ ,” Shiro’s voice came firm but shaky with emotion, and he could feel Shiro trembling from where his hands gripped the chair, “ _Keith_ ,” he whispered, his voice cracking as he moved to stand in front of him, staring down at him before he seemed to crumble, crouching low, his hands gripping the ends of the armrests on the chair, “Of all the things,” he choked out, “Of all the things to remember, the fact that you remember _that_ \- it _kills_ me,” he said hoarsely, his head bowing, “When I found you, I was- I was so scared you would just- _leave_ me right there in my arms…”

“Shiro,” Keith whispered, reaching out before he could stop himself, his fingers falling into Shiro’s hair, stroking gently through the pure white strands, “I’m- I’m here… I’m not- one-hundred percent here, but I’m _here_. I’m right here.” He didn’t know why comforting Shiro came so quickly and so easily to him, but he knew it was the right thing to do. Seeing Shiro’s despair was crushing, as if his anguish was Keith’s own, so he kept running his fingers through Shiro’s hair until warm grey eyes raised up to meet his own once more.

“S-sorry,” Shiro said with a sheepish smile, his hand coming up to catch Keith’s own from his head, holding on tightly, “I didn’t mean to get so… Just, _sorry_.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Keith shook his head, “I- I didn’t even know you had found me… It must have been hard with all the wreckage.”

“Yeah,” Shiro let out a shaky laugh, “You were pretty lost out there... But I found you. Eventually, I found you…”

“Well, thanks for not giving up on me,” Keith said almost too easily, as if the words meant something more than what he intended.

And clearly they did, and he knew it when Shiro’s eyes widened an almost imperceptible amount and a slow, tender smile slipped onto his face, lighting up his entire expression with a new, warm glow, “I will never give up on you, Keith,” he said simply before he stood up, giving his hand a squeeze before he let go, “So, do you want me to take you back in, or are you okay to keep going? We don’t want the medical staff panicking if you’re not back quickly enough.”

“Let’s make ‘em sweat a little,” Keith laughed, “To the lions?”

“You got it, Keith.”

* * *

 

The Black Lion was a lot bigger than what he had pictured in his mind, and as Shiro pushed him closer to the beast Keith couldn’t help but wonder how he could have ever flown something so huge.

He knew from the strange itch in his hands that he had though, and he knew he wanted to again, but the task seemed almost too daunting.

“It’s- big,” he murmured after a long moment of staring up at the lion, “Was it damaged in the crash?”

“A few dents and scratches,” Shiro hummed, “But trust me, the lions are pretty robust. She healed up pretty well once the energy cells were recharged.”

“That’s good,” Keith nodded, his eyes scanning over to where the other lions sat. his eyes falling to the Red Lion, “That’s- I used to- fly _that one_ , didn’t I?”

“What?” Shiro looked up before he followed Keith’s gaze over to the lion, “Oh, yeah… Do you- remember that?”

“Not really,” Keith frowned, “Most of what I remember from flying them is kind of- jumbled together, but that one- that one seemed familiar too.”

“Well, Lance flies the Red Lion now, but you were her original paladin,” Shiro smiled, “You stepped up when I-” He paused, and Keith craned his neck back a bit to study his face, but Shiro quickly shook his head and smiled easily, “when I was out of commission,” he finished, “I always knew you would be great, Keith, and you stepped up and lead Voltron when I couldn’t, and now you’re the true leader.”

“Sorry I took your job then,” Keith huffed, giving him a small smile, trying to ease the strange, sad tension that seemed to come over the mood, “I mean, if I don’t remember how to fly that thing, you might have to cover for me.”

“Flying has always come pretty easily to you, Keith,” Shiro laughed, ruffing his hair gently, “I’m sure once you’re back in that pilot’s seat, you’ll just- _know_ what you’re meant to do.”

“I hope you’re right,” Keith murmured, staring down at his lap for a long moment, “Can we- go back inside now? I’m tired.”

“Of course,” Shiro said without waiting a beat, and his hand passed gently over Keith’s shoulder before he was moving the chair again, turning it away from the lions and back towards the Garrison, “You’re not in any pain, are you?”

“My head hurts a little,” Keith admitted, “but it usually hurts. I’m fine.”

“We’ll get you back to bed. Some rest will probably help,” Shiro said, his voice warm and gentle in a way that Keith had grown so used to too quickly. He sighed as he leaned back in the chair, letting his eyes slip shut as Shiro pushed him back into the building and through the halls.

He supposed he had started to nod off, and he only blinked his eyes back open when Shiro was gently lifting him up from the wheelchair and setting him back down into his bed, “You don’t- have to,” he tried to protest, but Shiro just gave him a smile and he didn’t have the strength to stop him.

“You’re tired,” Shiro whispered as he tucked the blankets back over him, “You need rest. I’m here to help you, Keith.”

“Okay,” Keith breathed out, letting his eyes slip shut again, “Okay…” He felt the bed dip a bit and then Shiro’s hand was in his hair, gently stroking in a way that pulled him further and further into the arms of sleep. He let himself go then with the knowledge that Shiro would stay.

* * *

 

After another week and a half, the doctors finally determined that Keith’s incisions had healed enough for him to leave the hospital room. Initially, he had been excited, but when he found they were setting him up in a room in a different part of the hospital to still monitor him, he was less enthused.

Still, in his new room he had more privacy and less medical equipment surrounding him. It was still a strange move since none of the other paladins had been relegated to a similar room, but he knew by the way the doctors still looked at him that he wasn’t fully healed. Despite that, the doctors begrudgingly agreed with the wishes of some Garrison higher ups that he should get back into fighting form, especially since Voltron had been out of commission for weeks.

The robot was a symbol of hope for the universe and since it hadn’t been seen by any of the new refugees arriving on Earth in the past few weeks, rumors had started. The idea of people thinking he wasn’t able to pilot the lion anymore infuriated Keith, and so as soon as the new paladin armor was brought to his room a few days after, he dressed quickly and headed out towards where the lions were.

Shiro was speaking with Commander Iverson near where the lions were kept, and as he approached he saw Shiro look up quickly, a bright smile coming to his face before he jogged over, falling into step besides him, “Hey, Keith,” he practically beamed, his gaze moving up and down over the armor before finally landing on his face, “New armor feel okay?”

“Fine,” Keith nodded, “Can’t really remember the old armor so I wouldn’t know any different,” he shrugged, giving Shiro a reassuring smile when the other man’s expression fell a bit.

“I guess that’s good then,” Shiro hummed, “Are you taking the lion out?”

“The others said it would be best to get back into the swing of things,” he mumbled, looking ahead towards the looming figure of the Black Lion, “Whatever I can do to help out, you know? I don’t like- just sitting around being useless.”

“You’re not useless,” Shiro said immediately, “You were hurt, Keith, worse than the others. Everyone understood that and didn’t want you to hurry your recovery. If you feel anything other than fine today, it’s okay to stop and try again another time.”

“I know, I know,” Keith sighed, “I just- don’t want to let anyone down.” The other paladins came into sight as they reached the lions. They were standing in a small group, but their circle opened when he walked up.

“Keith!” The Blue- wait, no, _Red_ Paladin exclaimed as soon as he came close, “You’re _alive_!”

“Lance,” Shiro’s voice came, slightly hardened with a clear warning, but Keith forced a smile onto his face to reassure him that he was fine with Lance’s jest.

“Hey, um- Lance, everyone,” he said, giving a small wave, “I- I guess we’re going to- take the lions for a fly-around?”

“Yep, if that’s what you want, Keith,” Hunk grinned, “You are our leader, you know.”

“Well, I- maybe you guys could give me some idea of what we actually do?” Keith stammered, feeling hot embarrassment rising in his stomach at his own ineptitude, “Training exercises maybe?”

“Of course, Keith,” Allura smiled, “We’ll fly into the desert. The Garrison can watch from afar if they wish, but we should be far enough away not to disrupt anything.”

“Right, good call,” Keith nodded, staring at the group for a long moment before he ducked his head, “I’m going to my lion now…” He moved to rush towards the lion, watching with relief as the other paladins moved towards their own, but a hand caught his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“I’ll be on the comms, just in case,” Shiro said softly, his hand giving a gentle squeeze to Keith’s wrist before he let go, “Call me if you need anything, Keith. I’ll come running.”

“Thanks, Shiro,” Keith breathed out, and somehow the reassurance of Shiro’s words made him feel better, less nervous, less terrified to get up in the metallic beast again.

He knew he had to though, and so he turned away from Shiro and headed towards the Black Lion. The cockpit was familiar at least, and he slowly smoothed his hand along the back of the chair before he slipped into it.

Shiro had been right before; he did feel like he just _knew_ what he was supposed to do just by sitting there and, as he reached out for the controls, the lion came to life around him. The control panel lit up in an ultraviolet glow, showing him that he was synced in his comms with the other paladins and the Garrison.

Everything was as it should be. Everything would be fine.

Carefully, he closed his hands around the lion’s controls and then she was off, as if she could read his thoughts and act on them without being told.

Well, she was his lion after all. He was her paladin.

Keith flew the lion towards where the others were hovering farther out in the desert, switching on the comms as he approached, “So, what kind of training drills do we usually do?” He asked, hoping someone would say something that he could manage to do, or, even better, something that would spark a memory of drills they used to do together.

“We’ve gotcha, Keith,” Lance’s voice came over the comms, “Just follow our lead for now or do whatever feels right.”

“We’ll take it easy on you since you’re technically a newb,” Pidge scoffed, a joking tone to her voice, “They didn’t say we’d be working with _amateurs_ when we came back to Earth.”

“Ha. Very funny, Pidge,” Keith deadpanned before a smirk slipped onto his lips, “Gimme the best you got.”

With that, they were off, and in a way it felt natural and right to be flying in the lion alongside these four people he barely knew. In the lion, it felt like he did know them in a way. He knew their tendencies when they piloted; the way they would maneuver their lions around obstacles and back into formation.

After several drills, they pulled back up and Lance whooped over the comms, “Feels good right? Being back in the saddle?”

“Yeah, feels good,” Keith grinned, “Should we do another one?”

“Or we could form Voltron,” Hunk supplied, “It’s been a while. It would probably be good for new arrivals on Earth to know that Voltron is here.”

“Hunk is right,” Allura smiled, “Voltron is still the universe’s symbol of hope.”

“Oh… Okay,” Keith breathed, switching off his visual comms as a wave of confusion swept over him.

How was Voltron even _formed_?

He had seen videos of the robot on television news cycles from the Garrison when his head didn’t hurt too much to look at the TV, but how did it go from being five separate lions into a robot that looked like a man with arms and legs?

He was fairly certain the red one was an arm, and the yellow one vaguely registered in his mind as a leg, but how did it get put together?

“Ready, Keith?” Pidge called over the comms, “It’s on your call.”

“Right… _Right_ ,” Keith shook his head to clear his thoughts, his grip tightening around the controls, “I- Okay, everyone… Form Voltron!”

Pidge and Hunk moved first, then Lance and Allura, and Keith felt himself mechanically following them; a muscle memory, but not the real thing.

He didn’t know how to form Voltron.

He didn’t know these people around him. He only knew his mom and _Shiro_.

Suddenly, images flashed in his mind, his vision whiting out, and distantly he could hear the other paladins calling for him. The lion was plummeting towards the ground, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t see anything over the scenes playing out in his head.

They were the scenes from his nightmares, but closer, more fleshed out and more _real_.

_“Hello Keith.”_

He screamed as Shiro’s voice echoed through his brain, cold and foreign and not like the man he had come to know. The voice was cruel and matched the hard expression on his face and the stony, dangerous look in his eyes.

Shiro was fighting him, exchanging blows with a sword, landing a hard punch under his jaw, slicing out in broad strokes with the sword formed from an arm that was different from the one he had now. He wasn’t letting up, his eyes burning with the intent to kill him, to drive the sword through him and let him die.

His cheek burned and burned and-

_You’re my everything._

_I love you…_

_“Just let_ go _, Keith. You don’t have to fight anymore.”_

The lion hit the ground, his body was flung from the seat with the force of it, and he collided with the dashboard, slipping down and crumpling on the floor in the corner. His head was searing in pain, excruciating stabs of agonizing memories flooding through his mind, and his body ached with pain he couldn’t recognize as real or imagined.

Warm wetness slipped down his cheeks and he couldn’t tell if it was tears or blood, but he was in too much pain to care. The comms had cut out when the lion hit the ground, but after a moment he heard voices from the outside, opening the lion up to get in.

“ _Keith_!”

“He’s over here! Bring the stretcher!”

“Is he okay? Is he _awake_?”

“ _Let me through!_ ”

That was _Shiro’s_ voice.

He knew it was Shiro’s voice, but now that voice only made the memories resurge again. He felt himself heave out a quiet sob of agony, trembling as he curled in on himself despite the throbbing pain in his side from where he hit the console.

“I knew it was too early for him to do this!” Shiro’s voice came again, closer this time, “I told you he wasn’t _ready_. He needed more time!” A hand fell onto his shoulder, Shiro’s hand, and he flinched hard. He wanted to get _away_ , but he was backed into a corner so there was nothing he could do as Shiro carefully pulled him into his arms, standing with him against his chest.

He _knew_ Shiro.

Well, he thought he had anyway, but with the images now engraved in his mind he didn’t know what to believe.

Was Shiro the person he had gotten to know in the last few weeks, the one who sat at his bedside and soothed away his nightmares? The one who had spent hours digging through wreckage to find him?

Or was he a monster who had raised a sword to his neck, scarred him, and tried to kill him.

Maybe he was _both_ , and that thought was even more horrifying.

All he knew in that moment was that everything _hurt_ ; his head, his body, everything.

“It’s going to be okay, Keith,” Shiro whispered before he felt his body being placed on something soft, “You’ll be okay. I’ll take care of you.”

Blackness consumed the last of the images playing behind his eyes and he let it, giving into the numbing depths of unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE YA HAVE IT FOLKS :'3c I hope you like this chapter ajshdsakh 
> 
> I didn't plan all this angst but it just kept coming for me and I'm weak to it I'm Weak.
> 
> Please please please please please please please please please please please please comment. I won't even be like, subtle because comments are really the biggest motivators to get me in the writing mood. I'd love to hear your thoughts, what you liked most, what you think might happen, etc ;w; Please.... talk to me.... I'm Carb.
> 
> I'll be back soon with chapter three!! 
> 
> You can find me [on twitter @leokuumi](https://twitter.com/leokuumi) and [on tumblr @carbonbop](http://carbonbop.tumblr.com)! I love Sheith and talking about Sheith and crying about Sheith so please come find me if you want!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me [on twitter @leokuumi](https://twitter.com/leokuumi) and [on tumblr @carbonbop](http://carbonbop.tumblr.com)! I love Sheith and talking about Sheith and crying about Sheith so please come find me if you want!


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